April 16, 2008
"What do we know about this bird? You might think, not much...but we do know some things. We know it was a local bird. Maybe it's the same bird that surprised Oscar that one morning with a special present from above." - Michael
"Hug it out, bitch." ... That is what men say to each other after a fight. ... Not a good idea to say to a woman however, I have found. It doesn't translate." - Michael, embracing Dwight
"Jan is professional, which is a metaphor for cold. We make a good team, like Lenny and Squiggy. Except I'm like Lenny and Squiggy, and she's like a stone." - Michael
"Women are like wolves, you have to trap it. Then, to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves...and my animal deserves a lot of loving." - Dwight
"Can I have your attention, please? I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff in the bathroom about Michael. Having a bathroom is a privilege. It's a ladies' room. And, if you can't act like ladies, then maybe you won't have a bathroom." - Dwight
"Pizza. The great equalizer. Everybody likes pizza. Poor people like pizza, rich people like pizza. White people like pizza, black people like pizza... Do black people like pizza?" - Michael
"Why tip someone for a job that I am capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can and do cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones." - Dwight
"We know how he died. Flying into the glass doors. I don't think he was being stupid. I think he just really, really wanted to come inside our building to spread his cheer and lift our spirits with a song." - Pam, at an office funeral for a bird.
"There are five stages to grief and it's my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job." - Michael
"The Dundies are like a car wreck where you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you." - Pam
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